A few weeks ago I wrote an email to someone I knew only slightly — and only through “the other person in my life.” After signing my name, I felt the need for an additional label to clarify exactly who was sending the email.
Flummox alert!
When you are not single, not married and not young, how do you introduce, or refer to, the person you are with? And what does that say about the status of your relationship? There is a grey zone (not to be confused with a demilitarized zone, which is a whole other topic for relationship analysis) of squishy identifiers and linguistic quandaries that present themselves in all sorts of situations and in front of all sorts of people.
Here are some of the romantic labels that ran through in my mind as I composed that recent email:
Girlfriend/Boyfriend — So junior high
Significant other — Rather formal, legal sounding
Partner — Let’s face it, used mostly for same-sex scenarios
Main squeeze — I’m not, nor is the other party, currently behind bars
Beau — 1850 was a long time ago
Lover — Way too personal
Paramour — Right out of a Nabokov novel
Hunk of Burning Love — Really?
Steady — 1950 was also a long time ago
Friend — Total cop-out
Love of my life — Too overwhelming for all concerned. Expect raised eyebrows.
Best friend — Kind of classy, leaning towards cop-out, and a tad pretentious
Man friend or Gal pal — Don’t even go there
Sweetheart — Too sweet? And not applicable to those who aren’t authentically sweet
{My} Better Half — Courtly and magnanimous, with a dash of chivalry
Of course, there is always the classic avoidance and obfuscation maneuver, whereby an introduction includes only the person’s name — no additional info, hints, indicators.
For the aforementioned email, I included a lengthy list of qualifiers and hoped the recipient had a healthy sense of humor. But, alas, not long after I clicked “send,” I quickly learned the email address I had was incorrect and the whole darn thing was “returned to sender.” A mild sense of relief ensued.
But the dilemma is on-going. I would be very appreciative to hear of other suggestions for descriptors that fit the daunting requirements of modernity and maturity when “seeing someone,” or dating – or whatever you call it.
Help! Help!
Photo by Andrea Bonsignore of sketch by Charles Goodman
